And what to gift when you find yourself in each of them
Words: Zoya Pon | Illustration: Lapin Blanc
With my cool, calm, outsider (third-wheel) and totally unbiased point of view I noticed the different types of relationships my friends found themselves in as all the single ladies dwindled (usually around Winter**). I promised myself to stay single for six months and persevered through the cold months, a strong independent woman (with a heater ((and a very thick duvet (((and very fluffy socks))))) and emerged with insights into the new relationships we find ourselves in. Below's a summary of the types of relationships we find ourselves in today. As well as what to buy for these people in your life.
‘I’m not ready for a relationship’, ‘It’s just not what I need right now’ and ‘I like having my own space’ are basically your tagline. Until, quite literally, your casual fling turns into home-cooked dinners, regular sleepovers and you *gasp* stop hooking up with other people.
Your friends have clocked it, but you’re not yet aware that, you friend, are in a relationship. And they won’t let you live that down.
Your cuddle buddy turns into a bed-time fixture, much like your actual bedding, and before you know it, you’re Netflix-and-chilling. Not just in the figurative sense, there is some series-watching going on, and you wouldn’t dare watch the new episode of Black Mirror without them. You’ve both picked up some Mr Delivery weight and you know that eventually the weatherman will make or break this cosy bond.
Perhaps the most common type of relationship in 2019, this is the Next Gen specialty. You do relationship things, but aren't exclusive.
Maybe it’s because we like having our options, maybe it’s because there are so many options (thanks Tinder, over-population, an unrealistic idea of who is actually single in Cape Town*)? Technically you are both in a relationship, but emotionally you’re both elsewhere. Together, you are very confused, and this only ever ends in trouble.
PS: This is usually what goes on once you find yourself in relationship #1 but are reluctant to leave the market. You like it, but you want to eat your cake too. At some point you will give in to the cake or the cuddles.
*No one, they’re all in relationship #4
You’re 23, with your ‘whole life ahead of you’ (IF I HAD A NICKEL) but you’re cosy. And afraid. Afraid of all this f*ckery you see around you. And they’re really not that bad, they didn’t do anything wrong, it’s been 3 years, etc, etc. But you can’t stop thinking about the person in relationship #3, and wondering if you might actually be straight. Your feet are suddenly itchy, very itchy and you know deep inside, that you already know what needs to happen, but don’t really want to know.
Or you are, but you’re in relationship #4 and still kidding yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong - so you tell yourself, and maybe technically you haven’t. But you want to.
If you’re the one waiting, go get yourself a relationship #3 (if you’re not already in one).
Your relationship is so smug, it even makes you want to gag. You watch, silently judge and sympathize from the sidelines (with your boo by your side). But this is the one, even if just for now. You’ve said bye to number 5, and decided to stick with number 1. Well done. Now you just have to make sure you’ve got number 7 down.
Because let’s be honest, this is the one that really has staying power. And often we need to go through all 6 to get here. Sometimes we need to be in an exclusive relationship with ourselves first to do so, sometimes we’re lucky enough to find someone who lets you grow with them. Am I in #7? Yes, and I think I’m the one.