5 fashion lessons from Game of Thrones
Words: Max Dylan Lazarus | Illustrations: Nena Maree
As we come towards the end of the penultimate season, we take the time to discuss some of the lessons learned from seven real-life years spent in Westeros, Essos and on our couches first thing after work on Monday having avoided Twitter all day and unfriended that idiot from primary school who changed his status to “OMG Cersei is BAD ASS”. That still counts as a spoiler you idiot, now I’m killing you off the hit TV show based on the epic book that is MY LIFE.
Theme your look to a representative animal
Every family in Game of Thrones has a representative symbol, The Starks in the North have wolves on their banners, and just happen to wear loads of fur. The Lannisters down South are represented as lions – they wear lots of gold and make lots of gold (Family business, hey? Hey? Right? Because incest!). Daenerys is the same with her dragons and so can be seen wearing scales. It’s nice.
Aesthetics aside, this is a mechanism by the creators of the show to make you identify sides, like how different sports teams have recognisable kits, and school houses have associative colours. We say you should transfer this into real life: pick a creature that is representative of your attributes or your geography – perhaps the mighty hadeda, dassie or duiker – and live your life in total commitment to that theme.
Cut out the minor details
So you’re a power player in Westeros are you? Odds are that in the first few seasons you were a war-mongering man type, dressed in full armour with leathers and chains and sigils and whatnot. However, as the series reaches its conclusion, it’s the women of Westeros that are proving they’re the key political players, and the show’s wardrobes on offer have only benefited from this.
Despite the dizzying diversity of outfits on show, there is one constant indicator of power for the queens of Game of Thrones: cut-out details. Wear your necklines up to your eyes and your sleeves down to your wrists (for modesty, of course), but be sure to add sexy cut-out details to your sides and back, revealing the lower part of your breasts, the crack of your butt, and any other intimate areas.
Just like in comic books and video games, Game of Thrones shows that for menswear, practicality is key, while for women, it matters that they wear heels onto beaches and into battles.
Blow your budget for winter
Game of Thrones weren’t particularly noteworthy for the outfits on show. The main stars looked like they looted the leftover bits and pieces from the set of Lord of The Rings, while all the extras were decked out in hessian and cardboard looking like an amateur cosplay convention.
Then, following years of unparalleled success, winter finally arrives in Westeros and along with it comes a ridiculous wardrobe budget. Now in season 7 everyone is dressed in sleek, bespoke pieces looking like 2017’s Celine Dion if she was dropped into a medieval-themed X-Men movie.
What do we learn here? Live your life like this. Winter is when you make impressions, summer is when you wear hessian and cardboard.
Don’t lose your head
Everyone in this damn show gets beheaded. Or gets their throats slit. Everyone! It’s totally casual and no seems to have learned from this.
Our solution? Indulge in a choker or a scarf! Sure, it won’t stop a mid-battle beheading or the sneaky blade of a surprise assassination, but you know what? Every little bit helps. Think of it as a signal to your enemies, letting them know that you know, and that you know that they know that you know. If you want to end up on the Iron Throne you’ve gotta play this game properly ffs.
When in doubt, get naked
We’ve definitely used this exact header in our Afrikaburn preview. The real lesson of Game of Thrones is this: no matter the weather conditions, no matter the personal dynamics, no matter the political circumstances, there’s always time to get undressed and have sex.
Sure, the sex always looks like epilepsy and sounds like a pensioner struggling on the elliptical machine, but life is short in Westeros and this might be the last time this disturbing, love-making can happen. What a weird show. Shop the story everyone.