Black Friday Shopping Guide

Shop without having to drop using these Black Friday tips

By Hugh Upsher

In the spirit of the capitalist insanity that is Black Friday, I’ve sold out to look into the nuances of the modern shopping experience. We’ve gone from stalking a jacket online as if it was an ex-boyfriend, to having that same jacket stalk you back with creepy targeted marketing banners on Facebook. Could our grandparents have ever envisioned a world where we would be able to buy a flamingo piñata or pineapple pool float without even getting out of bed? The times are certainly a-changing.

All the things

Have you ever been able to say you’ve seen every item on Superbalist? Even if you’re a creep and answered yes (shame on you), you’ll have to start all over again one week later. Some people can be overwhelmed and claim to prefer the treasure hunt approach of physical stores, but these are the same people that sneak back online to get the dress they found originally in the size they actually wanted.

The lurk factor

If you spent thirty-five minutes looking at the same two pairs of sneakers in a real store, you’d raise some eyebrows. Luckily, no one is there to judge you when you do it online. The same goes for if you walked into a store four times a day for three days in a row to stare at a pair of boots over and over again. If you’re online, that’s considered normal. In real life, the manager would get mall security to politely escort you out to the parking lot.

Unveil the sales

Black Friday sales have become a time of insane excitement, stress and rewards. The in-store experience can often be described like a scene from MTN Gladiators. There is that “Gotta grab ‘em all” mentality, as well as those passive aggressive exchanges that would make your sassy aunt proud. The online Black Friday sales can be equally nightmarish, but for different reasons. Remember that one time a traffic spike made a site crash and you were mildly annoyed for seven minutes? Thank goodness we have Twitter for making the public aware of your pain and anguish.

The pay off

Buying clothes in a store has that instant gratification element where you get your hit of retail therapy up front. This unfortunately involves surrendering your card to the teller, whose judgmental eyes silently suggest you could probably be better with your money. Online shopping has more of a Christmas morning feel where you sometimes struggle to sleep knowing what tomorrow brings.

With Black Friday just around the corner, now is the time to start shamelessly piling items into your wish list and mentally preparing for the coming onslaught. This is the biggest opportunity of the year to let your pro shopping skills shine and bring home some wearable trophies that you can boast about the following Monday.