12.05.2016

Home Décor Don’ts and Don’ts

When it comes to vodka bottle vases and dodgy flea market finds, just say no

By Hugh Upsher

Your living space should reflect your headspace, so if your room has cheap party decorations hung up from a 21st you went to three years earlier, you may be in some trouble. Take this as an opportunity to rethink your current decorating strategy and make any necessary adjustments if needed. It can be surprisingly therapeutic process once you get stuck in. Here are some warning signs that you may be overdue for a home makeover.

 

Empty bottles of alcohol

We get it. You like to party, but empty bottles are not trophies to display proudly on your mantle piece. These are for a bin, or glass recycling if you care at all about mother earth. No one is looking at your empty bottles of Tequila and thinking, “Wow, this person has managed to finish an entire bottle! I now have a greater respect for them as a person.” If you are in fact the badass party animal those bottles are trying so hard to assert, people would know it already.

 

Prestick and posters

Every teen spends their entire high school life constantly pasting things up on their bedroom walls. It’s the best process for trying to keep up with your rapidly evolving identity, but now that you’re a little older you may not need the constant reminders. I mean Limp Bizkit was, and still is a great band, but you don’t really need to shove it in people’s faces in 2016.

 

Dead plants

I don’t know what could be more depressing than seeing a dead plant every time you arrive back home. When a pet fish or cat dies, you don’t just leave it there, the same logic should be applied to plants of all types. If you love the idea of having plants around but suck at keeping them alive, consider going the succulent route.

 

A random sign you stole while drunk

At your very drunkest moment it seemed like a genius idea, but then you woke up the next morning and felt a deep sense of shame and regret. Now you're left with a huge reminder of your idiotic behavior and the only real option you have is to hang it on your wall indefinitely. It’s never to soon to leave that part of your life behind and join civilized society with the rest of the adults.

 

Almost anything you bought at Milnerton Market

Just because someone sitting on a white plastic patio chair tells you a dusty old dog portrait will set you back R40, doesn’t mean you should. R40 is a bargain for a good burger, not for something you have to look at every day of your life. There are definitely exceptions to this rule but the chances of you finding a real treasure in the boot of an old Toyota Corolla on a Sunday morning is pretty minute. 

If these pointers came a little close to home, don’t feel too bad, because I was literally just looking around my own apartment at the time of writing. The good news is that it’s never too late to change things up to create the illusion of sophisticated adulthood.