The Social Media Mom

By Hugh Upsher

I recently found out that my mom got on Snapchat before I did. Either I am the biggest technophobe in the world or Snapchat is officially uncool. Teens will now have to start seeking out an even more secretive app to share their goofy selfies on without having their mom looking over their shoulders. Where does the source of this tension come from? Is it because they make embarrassing comments like “Who is this now?” on your posts? Or is it because they share too many wine related memes? I looked into what makes a social media mom.

Raining likes

Moms love to spread their likes thick and heavy, and we like it that way. I’ve seen friends accidentally post half a sentence and still get that inexplicable motherly like love. They may see it as a way of saying, “I love and support you through everything”, but the recipients mostly see it as a gesture of “I’m watching everything you do”. I suppose being transparent about it is arguably better than the mom who stalks you silently, only to bring something up days later when you visit them.

Tag time

Moms are the only people left on Facebook still tagging you in photos. You can’t even get a free lunch nowadays without paying the price of being photographed and documented like a piece of evidence in the O.J. Simpson trial (I’ve been watching the O.J.: Made in America documentary, I highly recommend it).

Instant inspiration

Moms are never shy to share a corny joke or generic inspirational poster, particularly if it involves dogs, cats, wine, chocolate, coffee or all of the above. These things are like catnip for moms. I always thought that older generations were supposed to be a great source of wisdom and learning, but if their Facebook posts are anything to go by, we’re all doomed.

Neighbourhood watch groups

Moms love some good skinner, and Facebook groups are a hotbed of half-stories and half-truths. The crime watch focused groups will typically have about ten posts a day, with hot topics like “Someone has cut my hedge without my permission” and “Suspicious man with a backpack is loitering at the MiCiti bus stop”. It’s like a hive mind that is publishing a stream of consciousness in little bite size bits of paranoia.

Facebook requests 

This used to be a real issue with moms everywhere, but thankfully Facebook has now managed to curb the scourge of random gaming and social app request notifications (Anyone for a game of Candy Crush Saga?). Any time a third party app has ever asked a mom if they could send invitation request notifications to everyone in their address book, the reply is always: “Go for it, Spambot!” 

Keep up the great work moms! You’ll always be cool in my books.