QUEEN OF HEARTS: SIS DOLLY COMES TO SUPERBALIST

Advice: Sis Dolly | Images: Supplied

They say love is the greatest gift of all, but they don’t mention the complexities it sometimes comes with.

What do you do when you reach a romantic impasse? Who do you call when you can’t contain the butterflies your crush gives you?

DRUM Magazine's Sis Dolly - a trusted source of wisdom, advice, and a bit of banter - comes to The Way of Us to provide clarity and ensure that all the sparks stay alive during this month of love (and beyond).

Dear Sis Dolly,

I know it’s okay to be single, but I’m finding it very hard.

I feel lonely and I’m tempted to just go out with anyone. To make matters worse, all my friends are in relationships and I feel like they only need me when they’re having problems.

It sounds mean, but I don’t want to hear about all their problems anymore. – Alone, SMS

Sis Dolly answers

Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to give in and go out with anyone.

If you do this, it’s something you will regret later when this person doesn’t appreciate you and treats you in an unworthy manner. 

You can be a single and happy person by doing all the things that fulfill you – going out with friends, pursuing your hobbies, and finding yourself so that when the time comes and the right person turns up, you’re ready and know exactly what you want. 

The issue of your friends irritating you is probably because you feel a void since you’re not in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with telling them that you feel overwhelmed by what they are doing. If they are your true friends, they will empathise with you.

You need to be honest with them and not pretend for the sake of friendship.

Dear Sis Dolly,

I’m about to turn 37 years old this year and I really want to build myself a warm home with someone who is ready to be loved and love in return.

My problem is that I don’t know how to tell if she’s the one.

Twice before, I’ve taken women who I thought were [the one] to my family and twice I have been hurt because we ended up separating.

How will I know when someone is ready for marriage? - To love + be loved

Sis Dolly answers

What you need to do is take time to get to know the person before you make the decision to introduce her to your family.

Quite often, people don’t show their true colours at the onset of the relationship, and they only come through much later. This means you’ll need to take it one step at a time in order to get to know a person thoroughly.

With effort, you can explore their personality, dreams, and aspirations. Although you might feel like it’s a waste of time - since you are worried about your age - in the long run, this will benefit you and save you a lot of heartache and problems.

You’ve had it rough with your two exes and you also need to acknowledge your part in the equation as to why it didn’t work out between you and them. It cannot be entirely their fault, so there is something you’ve also contributed to the collapse of those relationships.

It’s helpful to do some introspection so you don’t carry the same habits that destroyed your previous relationships into the next one. This means you need to be very honest about yourself.

Don’t worry – the right one will come along when you’re also ready. You might just be third time lucky!

Dear Sis Dolly,

I’m 32 years old and my girl is 28.

When we met, she had one child - a daughter who is two years old.

Now I want to know how do I find out if she really loves me? Are there signs I could look for? – Unsure

Sis Dolly answers

Unfortunately, there is no guarantee in life. Especially in love.

When you enter a relationship, you just become glad the person is willing to go that mile with you. All you have to do is give it your all and see where it takes you.

During the relationship, you will see by her actions if she is in it with you and if she really loves you. That doesn’t mean you should be looking for signs of whether she truly loves you all the time.

Just enjoy her company and her presence in your life. If she has never given you any reason to doubt her, why would you be worried?

Be careful that your anxiety about how she feels does not spoil something good you might have with her.

Such doubt can also make you end up losing her because you will be second-guessing her every move and action.

Just relax and go with the flow of your relationship.

Do you have a burning question for Sis dolly? is your mind scrambled? Struggling to shoot your shot? Ask Sis Dolly here.