The 6 Stages of Online Shopping
Life happens while you're waiting for your Superbalist order to arrive
Words: Heather Clancy | Illustrations: Nena Maree
It's all fun and games when you're surfing the sale section during your lunch break. "Why yes, at this precise point in time, I do in fact need a Christmas mug!"
Stuffing your cart with reckless abandon is easy, and in fact, it's important – follow your dreams, babe! But the true test of a seasoned online shopper is how you navigate the endless desert of time between that life-affirming "We have received your order" message and actually holding your darling order in your hands.
THE UNBRIDLED OPTIMISM
Ah, the rush of new romance! You spotted your beloved and just like that, you knew.
Honestly, who needs groceries anyway? Click, click, BOOM! From flirting with sizes "If I make it XL it'll kinda look like Vetements" to confirming your address, your relationship has escalated quickly and you can't wait to show off your new love.
THE 'I'M SERIOUS DON'T TALK TO ME' MOOD
You down with OTP, yeah you know me! Who's down with OTP?
You are. This isn't funny.
You've selected your address, you've chosen your tribute credit card, but it's time for the big dogs: confirming payment. Everybody. Shut. Up.
THE DOUBT
Whoa, things are moving fast. It all seemed so sexy and fun a few minutes earlier, but now it's kinda hectic.
Your bank has sent you an SMS and you don't like the tone. Month-end you is like "YOLO!" because you know what, you deserve to spoil yourself, right? But practical you is like "Oh no!" but on second thoughts, whatever.
THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
It's on its way. You're untouchable.
Not even that passive-aggressive email from Karen on the 4th floor can stop you now. You got the hallowed notification to confirm that your parcel is en route and you squealed with childlike glee. It's all happening, people!
THE COMMITMENT
You and your new clothes have been through a lot together and you haven't even met yet.
From the first flush of desire to the "it's complicated" hesitation, and now the final crescendo of feels… It's been a helluva ride. *Cue Bound 2* You've got a new-found appreciation for the soon-to-be newest member of your fashion family and you're already planning outfits like some type of fashion prodigy recalling with savant-like precision every item of clothing you've ever owned that even vaguely works with your new purchase.
THE ARRIVAL
It's like your birthday and Christmas had a baby that you paid for.
Your senses are heightened as you anticipate the delivery guy's arrival. And then he arrives like some angel on a scooter. You rush inside and start clawing at the tape like a bear. Finally, you have your beloved purchase in your hands and if your life was a musical this would be the beginning of the upbeat love song.