10.06.2016

Dad Super Powers

A Father's Day message for all the dads out there

By Hugh Upsher

Growing up there were certain things that would mystify my little child brain, like how magnets worked, or having a job. Many of these unexplained mysteries of my youth sprung from a single source – my dad. He is a man of few words, but endless wonder, especially for a kid that didn’t really know any other adults. Here are the things that to this day still fill me with awe. Just in time for Father's Day

He knows all the sport

No matter what game or which team is playing, I can point at a player and my dad's able to tell me who they are, how good they are and even throw in some details about their early years. If there were a Noot vir Noot for recognizing sportsmen, my dad would be the reigning champ. He's also able to come up with better strategies than the actual coaches of these teams and then get visibly frustrated when they don’t take his sage advice (which he shouts at the television). When watching the Proteas play, he can somehow predict when the wickets are going to fall and when he can feel a six coming. Amazing. 

He’s an Ultimate Braai Master

My dad can take on any braaing challenge without a hint of doubt in his mind. Whether it’s starting a fire with just half a damp block of Blitz, or rotating 28 chops on a single braai grill, he has the craft mastered. I dream about reaching his level of Braai Master, and sometimes when I stare into the flames I’ve created, I quietly wonder if he would be proud of my work.

He can build or fix literally anything

I wouldn’t be able to count the amount of childhood toys I brought to my dad to rehabilitate back to life. No matter how bad the damage, my dad would be able to give a diagnosis and then try his best. He was also the only reason my childhood home didn’t collapse on top of us. Whether it was plumbing, electrical or even carpentry, if he could save money and not call a professional – he would take care of it.

He could beat up anyone

Any time my sisters and I would try take our dad down, we would fail dismally. When I was younger he could literally throw me across the entire pool over and over again without showing any strain. This phenomenon has come to be known as Dad Strength, something that allows a seemingly normal man to carry four cases of beer out the boot in one go. I’ve never seen him be physically violent with anyone but based on my studious observations, my dad is quite possibly invincible. At the very least, he could definitely beat up your dad.

Not too much has changed over the years. My dad can still command any fire-based, meat-cooking method, and offer a scary amount of detail about athletes he’s never met. No house has ever fallen to pieces under his watch and I would still not want to get in the ring with him. Not even today.

Happy Father's Day dad!