23.06.2015

Weekly Web Boners

Dinosaurs, stowaways, tyrants, spoilers, profits, blackface, white hate and a Frankenpenis

New Dick, New Dad

Hooray for science! The man who received the first penis transplant is going to be a dad. Dr Van der Merwe, part of the team who performed the world’s first penis transplant, said that the recipient – who’d lost his own member as the result of a botched circumcision – is doing well. So well, in fact, that just six months later he is set to become a father.

#OmarAlBashir

And now, more on the topic of dicks. South Africa, the country that would not allow the Dalai Lama to visit, has sided with tyranny by allowing war criminal Omar al-Bashir to leave the country shortly after a court ordered our government to arrest him. Omar’s secret? While he’s been indicted by the International Criminal Court for mass murder, rape and pillage in Darfur, he wasn’t travelling with any small children, which now requires things like unabridged birth certificates, affidavits and a bunch of other things that someone travelling with a small child should not have to endure.

JHB-LND

Two stowaways travelled more than 12 000 km, after climbing into the wheel recess and clinging to a British Airways’ planes landing gear. Besides being significantly less comfortable than those passengers flying economy, the frosty temperatures and lack of oxygen are just two factors that the pair had to endure. The stowaway who didn’t fall to his death when the plane approached Heathrow is in critical condition. Let that sink in. The one guy almost made it…

Jurassic World

The first film to gross more than $500m worldwide in a single weekend is Jurassic World. Our boy Max has reviewed part four in the dinosaur franchise for next week’s Zeitgeist, so we won’t give away any spoilers. Yet. What we will say is that the ripple effect has caused John Williams 1993 instrumental hit, Jurassic Park Theme, to reach No. 1 on a Billboard chart. According to Nielsen Music, the man responsible for some of the most epic film compositions in history – Superman, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jaws, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial – has seen a 205 percent gain. That’s thanks to 3000 Jurassic Park Theme tracks sold in the week ending June 14.

Whatalotishop

Look, we’re not saying that the Caitlyn Jenner cover was heavily Photoshopped, but maybe, just maybe it has something to do with Adobe, the Photoshop maker, posting a third quarter net income rise from $88.5 million to $147.5 million.

Just Not Cricket

The FBI is investigating a US baseball team accused of hacking a rival. We watched Moneyball and if there’s one thing that that movie taught us it’s how sometimes you should pick the fat kid with glasses to be on your side. S/O Jonah Hill! Especially if he has a knack for corporate espionage (or has some sort of clues as to what a coach’s passwords might be…).

Black Like Me

Head of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), Rachel Dolezal, is white. By slapping on some self-tan, crimping her hair and saying “Who dat?” instead of “I say, who goes there?” Dolezal was able to Schuster an entire nation. Moral of the story? Racial identity is complicated, orange really is the new black, and it’s wrong to appropriate black culture without enduring its hardships. We’re looking at you, Iggy Azalea.

White Hate

21-year old Dylann Roof went on a shooting massacre during a Bible study killing nine people. The man, who has been photographed wearing the old South African and Rhodesian flags on his jacket, chose an historic African-American church in Charleston for his attack. In the aftermath, citizens of the town have come together to show solidarity for the victims’ families, while media coverage of the attacks has opened up debates about the display of Confederate flags (with its history pretty much equal to those worn by Dylann Roof when it comes to violent associations) and the way that crimes are reported according to the race of their perpetrators.

Jon Snow a Robot?

How was that for a finale? Spoiler alert: your friends are all a bunch of jerks and we’re sorry that they ruined for you what should’ve been the highlight of your 2015 TV.