Weekly Web Boners

Hello Caitlyn

When Bruce Jenner’s transformation was captured on the cover of the latest Vanity Fair it quickly went on to break the internet. While the physical copy of the magazine with Ms. Jenner was only on newsstands from June 9th, the online version of the story could be purchased for $4.99, helping the website to break its traffic record with over 6 million uniques in just a few hours. You’ve probably seen that cover by now. Hell, within an hour of it going live a member of our online editor's football group on WhatsApp had already shared it... Whether it outsells the record breaking September 2005 cover of Jennifer Aniston, or the October 2006 cover of Tom, Katie and Suri, is yet to be seen. Oh, and Kim K is pregnant again.

Beer Billboard Boner

A Costa Rican beer brand, Republica Parillera Pilsen put up a billboard that from behind likes like a big bulging dick, but on closer inspection is actually a sausage. You might not particularly feel like a beer right now (whether the billboard makes you thirsty or not) but at least the brand is getting attention.

Moonlight Mass Cancelled

The organizers decided to call off the monthly bike ride due to last week’s inclement weather, which had Capetonians going, “Shoo, it’s cold, hey.” Wait, is cycling the softest sport in the world? It’s hard to argue otherwise when you consider their outfits and think back to when the Argus was called off earlier this year due to there having been a fire on the mountain a week earlier. Which just goes to show that even if you try and dress up a sport as lame as cycling in skinny jeans and flannel shirts, it’s still cycling. Not for us. 

Tom Hardy’s MySpace Page

The problem with becoming famous is that there are always crabs at the bottom of the bucket trying to pull you back down. F’rinstance, someone went and dug up MySpace (remember that!?) photos of Tom Hardy, of Mad Max fame, doing things like roasting a turkey and posing like he’s in an underwear ad. Strangely enough, instead of turning us off, it’s endeared us to him even more. Dig that guy, lank! 

Zuma’s Raise

President Jacob Zuma got a five percent raise last week, meaning he’ll now make an extra R130k pushing his annual salary to just over R2.7 million a year. The raise was recommended by the Independent Commission on the Remuneration of Public Office Bearers, who we hope will have a word with the Superbalist big cheese.

28 Gets 7 + 163

After a lengthy court case that spanned four years and in which 13 witnesses were murdered, gang boss George ‘Geweld’ Thomas was convicted of 52 charges and sentenced to seven life sentences as well as 163 years. Consider the key thrown away. 

Missing Springbok

The jersey that the Springboks will wear at their 2015 Rugby Wold Cup campaign was unveiled last Thursday in Cape Town. It’s much lighter now, 70 grams less than the previous one, which may or may not have something to do with dropping the Springbok logo from the chest. Apparently it’s also much more difficult to grab in a tackle, has some sort of chest grip that makes catching the ball easier, but nobody really cares about all that, just the maltreatment of our beloved bokkie. Somebody stated that the Springbok was already missing from the 2011 jersey. Said the angry mob waving sticks of droe-wors, “So was our 3^rd Webb Ellis trophy!”

Twits and Twitter

Appletiser was forced to issue an apology after two incidents, which had many calling patronizing, misguided and racist. The soft drink company followed up their putting “Hey there Blue eyes” on bottles, and a tweet calling a black woman brunette, tweeting: “Sincere apologies for offending anyone with our reference to brunettes & blue eyes, it certainly was not the intention #proudlysouthafrican,”

Kate Moss Escorted From Plane

The face of the 90s had to be escorted from her easyJet flight after exhibiting ‘disruptive’ behavior. Police had to lead Kate Moss from the plane after her return from a holiday in Bodrum, Turkey. The real news though, is why a super-duper model, a woman with thousands of magazine covers, and who has worked with every major fashion brand, would fly easyJet?

Game of Thrones Gets Good Again

Things were looking pretty boring there for a while. Lots of talking and politicking and then we got an army of the dead battling the Wildlings! That throwdown had plenty of stunts, special effects and Jon Snow unleashing on White Walkers. We’re excited about the series again, and would like to end this week’s edition of Weekly Web Boners by dedicating it to the Game of Thrones special effects editor, Katherine Chappel, who was killed by a lioness at Gauteng’s Lion Park.